Christmas presents, Bahhh Humbug!

So, the time of year is once again approaching when many men and women,boys and girls will be exchanging gifts for Christmas. Yes, between friends and family we will be exchanging copious amounts of games consols, games,bikes,toy cars and inevitibly this year : Iphone/pads.

This is a fine custom and tradition and one that i have most certainly benefited from over my 26years.

There is however, a further present – the office/school present.

Over the years these have become far more in line with modern society – but there is still the office dick who is under the false pretense that more is better. Normally there is a limit,be it £10 or £20 – rarely higher.

Unfortunately, some people seem to believe that when you give them a £20 limit; they have a license to empty Wilkinson (formally woolworths) and poundland(more recently) of all the useless bargain bucket bullshit they have lying around. On the basis,i believe, that if they hand you a present of severe bulk they will look much the better for their small financial outlay.

I think it about time they were told otherwise.

I myself have been on the recieving end of such a failure of expense on previous years. Part of my room spends December – March cluttered with a 359Page West Bromwich Albion Anthology – Cheap/Fake Simpsons Socks and the inevitable ‘Umbro Gift Set’ including a shower gel that has a distinct similarity to washing up liquid condensed into a very slighty more fashionable bottle. An Aftershave that smells of absolutely nothing …and a ‘body spray’ that has you doing a remarkably good impression of Kevin from Home Alone when sprayed under any armpit.

Women do not escape such horrors. Having lived with my Mum and Sister i have seen some fine efforts over the years. There is the rather fashionable ‘designer nail set’ – usually comprising of stick on nails that are a kind of peelywally colour and fall from your hand at only the slight raising of a voice. They are inevitably a useless shape too; and come with 69 different shades of nail polish: none of which would be acceptable to wear in public except of course on Halloween.

Then we get the sweets: in my opinion a box of ‘Celebrations’ or ‘Roses’ or even ‘Quality Street’ fall well within the £20 bracket we are refering to. Instead we are hit with some wonderful contraptions. Fruit Jellys – usually in a box with an old Victorian scene of winter on the front. Jelly pieces covered in a white sherbet non to disimilar to the stuff you used to get in a tube when you were about 6,sending you into a hypoglycemic fit.

In my opinion you can always tell the culprit long before you open the present anyway. The wrapping paper gives it away. If You recieve a small gift with nice neat wrapping paper,firm,mayby shiney and metalic, tied,neat handwriting – then someone has put some thought into the gift and you are probably looking at a novelty bottle opener or classy desk tidy etc. If you recieve a gift big enough to pass as a serious crushing risk for 2 year old, wrapped in the loosesd term of the word ie) wrapping newspaper round a rugby ball) and messy handwriting with enough selotape to ment a broken car door – then you are getting… shite. A Backstreet boys annual, Royal Fruit Jellys and an KitKat coffee mug.

There is no shame in a gift voucher people. On a £20 budget you can buy a £15 gift card, a nice little christmas card with envelope and bob is your proverbial Uncle. Change!. The recipient may not be able to buy a present in Next, River Island, HMV, USC  or whatever directly with their token. It could however be put toward something that is of use to them: that they will like. Something that might last more than three dust sodden months in the corner of the spare room.

Get a grip people,if you are the office dickhead – this year buy a gift voucher, and save your ears from burning while your East 17 calander you kindly gave to ‘Karen from the office’   is being brandished about by a drunk uncle around her dinnertable: ensuring fits of laughter.

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2 Comments on “Christmas presents, Bahhh Humbug!”

  1. Gem Says:

    Last year I bought a work colleague a desk hoover, a bottle of upholstery cleaner and a packet of flash lemon wipes in our secret santa draw. He was always complaining that the cleaner never cleaned his desk and tbh I think the cleaner thought he might catch something. Everyone thought it was hilarious apart from him – although we all agreed that never was a present more useful.

  2. This reminds me of a time i bought a ‘body set’ for a particularly smelly work associate. Everyone else found it hilarious , but he seemed to miss the point to be honest. Probably just as well really, since he was my boss!

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